What is Therapy for Life Transitions?

If you navigate around this site, and I hope you do, you’ll see the term “life transitions.” You may already have a sense what this entails, but I shall attempt to provide an all-inclusive definition and what can be achieved with therapy.

First, allow me to borrow from a therapy tool called the Wheel of Life which divides key aspects of life into general categories. The version I use includes the following 10:

1.      Career/Mission

2.      Finances

3.      Family/Friends

4.      Intimate Relationships

5.      Recreation

6.      Contribution/Legacy

7.      Personal Growth

8.      Spirituality/Philosophy

9.      Physical Health

10.   Mental Health

The last of these clearly encapsulates much of psychotherapy, and any time that Mental Health is affected by a significant change in one of the other 9 categories is a “therapeutically significant Life Transition.” Examples include:

·        Changing job, career, school, or residence

·        Increasing stress at home, school, or work

·        Newfound difficulty with finances, relationships, or life goals

·        Starting, ending, or emerging conflict in relationships

·        Rethinking hobbies, social roles, religion, or worldview

·        Attempting to regulate sleep or diet

Now, how do we address these in therapy? On a surface level, we aim to resolve the challenge with whatever needs and strategies are appropriate to it. The specifics can be quite important. On a deeper level, all life transitions boil down to emotions, values, and a sense of fulfillment.

Think about a significant life transition you have experienced. How did you feel about it as it was happening? Were things moving in direction that gained or that lost something important to you?

Presumably, you associate positive feelings with gaining something of value and negative feelings with losing something of value. It is easy to understand the sadness, longing, and resignation that come with loss. However, gains are often preceded by negative emotions, such as jealousy, guilt, and worry. These can motivate the pursuit of value. (Tip: These may sound similar to depression and anxiety, respectively.)

When a life transition is significant enough, it likely felt as though something greater was at stake. You may not have even realized what it was at the time. For example:

·        Close friends disconnecting may have felt like rejection.

·        Difficulty at a job in which you previously succeeded may have felt like a strike to your self-integrity.

·        Rethinking a long-held faith or philosophy may have felt like an attack on your perception of truth or good/evil.

You may say, “But it never felt that significant. Those are big issues. My new job just had more paperwork.”

Then you probably managed the transition fine on your own, albeit with a bit extra stress. You are welcome to come to therapy for a few coping strategies but trust yourself you can manage small transitions. You have certainly done so hundreds of times in life already without even noticing. Yet, when transitions become so significant that questions of overall life fulfillment come into play, therapy finds fodder. It can be difficult to see how a life transition is affecting the entire scope of your life when you are the one living it; it can feel significant, but it can be difficult to know why without talking through it.

Then why do we often find ourselves stuck and questioning transitions? Part of the challenge is, of course, change. Any change can be difficult, and many people are averse to them, but I’d like to bring your attention back to the idea of gaining or losing value. Are you moving toward something you honestly value?

·        I want an important, high-paying job.

·        I want a lot of friends.

·        I want to raise a large family.

·        I want to do something impactful in the world.

Do you want these things because they are important to you or because someone else has indicated you should? It is common for people to surrender their freedom and pursue goals out of social pressure, a sense of obligation, or a bandwagon mentality. Choosing not to choose your own path is a choice in itself… but not one that is likely to make you happy or fulfilled in the long-term.

Yes, there are times when circumstances beyond your control limit your choices (e.g., job layoffs, economic downturn, a partner decides to end the relationship), but choices remain. Giving up on pursuing a value because one source of attaining it is no longer available is also a choice that is unlikely to lead to fulfillment.

All of this describes the path for why Therapy for Life Transitions exists.

1.      An idea, need, or event leads to either a sought after or a forced life transition.

2.      Our values are called into question and an underlying sense of fulfillment is at stake.

3.      We experience an emotional response.

4.      We respond to negative emotion with either resignation or seeking external validation.

5.      We cease pursuing our personal values.

6.      A negative cycle of thoughts and feelings leaves us “stuck” in or after transition.

7.      Therapy is advisable.